Too Much

Why is it that I am always deemed “too much”

“Too Loud”

“Too thick”

“Too independent”

‘Too outspoken”

“Too different”

The words “too much” hang from your lips like a weight

When it is my flesh that wishes to drip from those lips instead

I want to be just right

I want to rest evenly on your lips

Perfectly coat the ridges of your skin

I want to melt perfectly

To transform into just the right amount for you

Because I have a habit of loving those who cannot appreciate me

Loving those whose fingers tremble at my frame

“This body is too much”

This body is too much for love but perfect for bruises

Dark blue and royal purple patterns spread like the kisses I long for

Yet when I am alone I am perfection

I am beauty

I am just the right amount

When I am alone your insecurities are not here to paint me

Your limits are not here to claim me

I was not made to be handled

By frail men with shaking hands

I was made to be cherished

Nurtured

Admired

Your fears and fragile masculinity deem you too weak for the task

So I must do it myself

I’ll rub my own lips across this skin

Caress my own fingers along the waves of my frame

Listen to my own voice that bears too much weight for you

My love for myself will always surpass my love for you

Because self love is key to surviving

In a world that does not know what to do with a frames and sinews like yours

Self love is the key to thriving

In a world that was not ready for you

I refuse to dim my shine because my light blinds you

Like the sun I will always rise

Powerful

Beautiful

Radiant

Forever smothering your decrees of “too much”

Until they are distant

Like specs of dust that collect in the winds before sunset

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NO

I hate that “No” can’t be an option

That the word cannot leave my lips

Without your fists clenching

My lips quiver

“No” begging to escape

But your entitlement forces a lie to sneak out instead

“I have a boyfriend” I must say

Even though no such man exists

Because a non-existent man’s claim to me

Will always bear more weight than my existent desire

What makes you think I was made for you?

Owed to you?

Exist for your gaze, fingers and tongue?

Parts that you weaponize and jab in my direction

“No” should be enough

Because I have my own gaze

My own fingers

My own tongue

My own desire that was built without you in mind

I exist and will always exist without you

But I hate how quickly my existence can be wiped out when you hear the word “No”

I hate that “no” is never enough for you

That hatred keeps building

Keeps bubbling and fermenting in the pits of my stomach

Until one day you approach me

Hungry for me, never letting go

Until I finally push you down

Press my heel onto your neck

Deeper and deeper

As you scream

“No”

“Please”

“Stop”

Deeper my heel gets

Plunging and ripping that pitiful neck

I will only listen to your “NO”

When someone comes to claim you

I smile and pierce you harder

Because I know no one ever will

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